Compliments and Generosity

Do you see yourself as someone deserving of compliments? Do you light up and beam a smile when receiving a compliment or are you inclined to become nervous and reject it?

As a teenager, I was absolutely the kind to put my head down and think a person was surely wrong for saying a nice encouragement to me. I didn't feel worthy of feeling liked by another person. My self confidence was shot down in my youth by family members telling me I was a stupid bitch and classmates telling me they 'hated me because I was ugly'. So in my teen years it was no wonder why I'd be suspicious of being told my long hair was pretty or was good at math. I was convinced that this was a new tactic for the bullies to hurt me. I was sure they were lying to me and the moment I believed them, they would make fun of me for buying it. I wasn't about to let them win! When in reality, I was the one losing. I learned that paranoia over 15 years and boy did it grow into something fierce!

In my life today, I get the most satisfying joy when I compliment others. I love seeing the looks on peoples faces when I tell them I like their shirt, makeup, handwriting. Anything really. It's important to note that I never give out false compliments. I feel that it is vital to be truthful and intentional every single time. That gives me some wiggle room for some really weird compliments at times. I'll leave that to your imagination. *Upon thinking about that, it sounds like that could be dirty...it wasn't meant to be, but I'm leaving it in!* ;)

Superficial praises like the previously mentioned ones are usually well received but my favorite compliments to give to people are ones that reflect them as they are as a person. Complimenting someones intelligence, aptitude at their job, consideration, wisdom is what I do most. I want people to know when I'm grateful for what they bring to the table just for being themselves and their accomplishments.

I do such because I feel appreciative when another person says something of that nature to me. I want other people to have the chance to have that same feeling!! I have had several occasions where a honest compliment has completely turned around a bad day for me. You never know the mindset a person is in and what saying something nice could mean to them.

By what means did I make that leap? The contrast of the 15 year old me who loathed giving and getting compliments to the 23 year old me who loves being told nice things and can't help but to share positive opinions I hold of people. I can actually pinpoint the exact people who showed me the importance of kindness. They were two of my favorite teachers I've ever had the pleasure of being their in their classroom. Mrs. Ward-Maguire and Mrs. Bussa. These are two women who manifest what it means to be an outstanding teacher. I can say that honestly without fear of being called a Kiss-ass, seeing as its been 7 years since I've been their student and can't receive retroactive extra credit.

Mrs. WM & Mrs. B were the best at handing out encouragement. These women had the task of working with teenagers who were, for a lack of better words, shitheads. I can say that because I was one of them! A lot of us acted out because of problems at school, troubled home lives, substance abuse and other harms to ourselves. None of us really had the confidence in ourselves to think we were capable of being more than the kids who had to go down the hallway to be in a class of ten instead of thirty. It had the stigma as being the "troubled kids class."

Those stereotypes can kiss my ass. It was the best time and use I ever garnered from high school. I get emotional when I think about what those two did for me all through the power of positive word. From long talks and feeling free to ask questions I trusted these two.

Mrs. B was exemplary at complimenting me every day on something random about my appearance and meaning it. Be it my "artwork jeans" or smile. Mrs. B kick started my brain to believe that I was beautiful and assisted my confidence to walk through life with my head held high. She taught me that when people complimented me, they truly meant it and said it for the purpose of making me happy. I learned that it was okay to accept this and equate it with a nice feeling. That's so astounding to me to look back and see what a difference that has made in my life.

Mrs. WM had a proclivity for praising me for what I did, or in some cases didn't do. I would walk into class and beam when I would see a piece of paper on my desk. Upon further inspection finding it to be a lady bug note saying, "50 days!! Great job! I'm proud of you:)." It isn't a stretch to say Mrs. WM is one of the reasons why I blog and share my writing to this day. I have always had a propensity to write but I didn't think I was any good. Probably the most meaningful compliments to me where the ones she would tell me how she felt about my writing. A specific note on top of an essay I wrote said, "Excellent! You should consider writing for teens!" That encouraged me to share my writing with others and not be afraid to put my real feelings out there. To be brave enough not edit it to something I thought people would like. How freeing!

It's crazy to imagine how different my life may be had I not had the opportunity to know those ladies! Would I be the woman I am today? Or maybe a twisted adult version of that kid I once was. I don't even want to think about that!

I know countless people, things and life events have molded who I am today but this topic has been tugging on my heartstrings for quite a long time. Thanks to things such as my bad accident last year and all these crazy stories you hear about on the news, I feel it's massively important to share with people how they've made positive impacts in my life.

To Mrs WM & Mrs. B,
You both have impacted my life for the better. I carry your lessons and advice with me always and think of you often. You are amazing role models and I am grateful that you share your strengths with the world. So many people have been touched by your humanity and not just the students you've taught, but the people they've met and so on many times over. Kind of like a tree. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for helping me grow my roots. :)

Gayle.