Ah, Pi Day. One of my favorite days of the year along with May 4th, Halloween and my birthday. I consider myself somewhat of a nerd or geek. I get big into certain science fiction shows & movies, and I've always considered science and math in general my go to areas of interest. However, Pi Day is kind of a bummer for me now. It was a special day in the last actual relationship I was in, not fling or whatever. Today would've been our anniversary. "J" is a sweet guy. He loves a terrible football team, he's into hockey and baseball, we met at a Super Bowl party. We connected right away. But in very different ways. I knew he liked me, I really cared about him, but more like a sports buddy. I tend to be friends with far more guys, either science nerds or sports guys. Due to this, I have a difficult time finding interest in the men if all we have in common is sports. Don't get me wrong! I love a cute guy who can talk & watch sports with me...but if that's all we talk about, I cant do it. I need someone that I can experience new things with, talk music, cook with, laze around in sweatpants all day and still feel beautiful. I certainly tried with "J" but I saw him as my sport and beer buddy and he was making plans 1+ years in the future within 2 months of us meeting. We didn't match up. We had completely different views. He wanted a family and and a farm. I want to live in the city and don't want kids. I had break up with him. I had to sit him down, look him in his big, bright eyes and tell him that I couldn't do it anymore. I broke his heart. He was shocked, hurt and tried to get me to reconsider.
Since we started dating on Pi Day, I have been thinking a lot about that and other relationships I've seemed to have mucked up over the years. Boy, do I have shit luck lol.
In this time I've taken today, I think I've figured part of the reason none of these things seem to last for me. Frequently, I care too much. I seem to like someone and put them & their needs first. One drunk call and I'm there to pick them up. They don't feel like driving across town, no problem. I might be on empty, but I'll make it. Not only that, but I've realized that I'm usually surprised that "that kind of guy" would be interested in me. I get embarrassed to look them in the eyes. I felt "lucky" that an attractive man would go for me. Boy is that some crazy shit or what?! I lacked confidence in all of those relationships. No wonder that none of those worked.
Those handful of guys need to be thanked. Thank you for retroactively showing me that I need to treat myself with more respect. Thanks for helping me realize I'm a beautiful, smart, caring young lady who deserves to be confident and happy. To the asshole who kicked my car, thanks for helping me spot anger issues in guys much easier. To the engineer, thanks for showing me how to be open and honest with my feelings. To the bass player, thanks for showing me how to be confident in my own skin. To the carpenter, thank you for helping me smile again. To "J" thanks for showing me what it meant to be loved.
-Gayle
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