Exactly one year ago today I was a sober pedestrian struck by a drunk driver and left in the road to fend for myself. I had physical injuries that still render me useless on days due to mind numbing neuropathy. I can count the days in which I haven't had nightmares replaying the accident on my fingers and toes over the last 365 days. Many times in public, I act as though nothing is wrong. Partly for you not to worry & partly because I'm so sick of it that I use your distraction to get me out of my mindset and have a good time. I'm not going to let this define me negatively. It was a HUGE event that will affect me for a lifetime, but I'm determined to make it a positive one. I've learned strength, courage, perseverance, how to push past my limits and I've learned that things happen to make your dreams change & you have to accept it and modify them accordingly. There are still so many things I can't do yet but I have hope that over the years that'll change. I was going to stay in all day in my bubble of an apartment. That's crazy!! That would be letting this day win! No way. I'm going to win. So I decided to attempt one of my all time favorite activities today with a wonderful friend. I promised myself I'd celebrate my improvements and miracle of life today, but not push myself too hard. Please be safe tonight & do not take risks behind the wheel!! With that being said, I'm running late to get to the ice rink;)
**Update**
I only made it about 15 or 20 minutes skating and am in pain. However I expected that, and made sure not to push myself. I'm glad I went!!
Sunday, March 17, 2013
Saturday, March 16, 2013
St. Patty's Day can suck a dick.
I hate that none of my friends are accepting that I don't want to go drinking tonight for St. Patty's. Last year on St. Patty's I was sober and was run over by a drunk driver. So, no thanks, not going out for shit tonight. No drinking, no DDing. Just sucks that my friends who know all about the struggle and physical & emotional pain I've gone through, can't understand that I'm serious about staying in. Shit!
Friday, March 15, 2013
The Painter
There once was a painter. Noble, caring, inquisitive and a bit eccentric. The painter was a gentle man. He stood statuesque whilst only his eyes moved as he observed others interactions. Being an introverted man, he desperately wanted to understand his peers and how they communicated with one another. The painter towered over his companions, lanky and still. Not dissimilar to a Poplar tree used to line a drive-in movie theater. Standing straight and proud while enjoying a show. But this isn't a story about that. It's a story of two people finding themselves.
This painter had a muse who he revered. He would hastily show her all of his works and valued her opinions. Critiques and praises alike. However, things were not as they seemed. The muse, however enamored with her painter, started to wander. She wanted to find a new painter who's art spoke truth to her eyes. She was weak from dealing with the painters past for she wasn't the first nor strongest muse. She was the one to heal the painters wicked heart. To bridge the painter from the storm he was in and send him along a new path. A long, winding foot trail to find the muse in his own heart. So she left.
In the initial time the two were separated, the painter created a most beautiful tapestry for his lost muse. It shone with oranges and yellows, her favorite colors because they reminded her of sunshine and true happiness. The painter and muse wouldn't cross paths for another year. The painter presented her with this work of art in a medium other than his own. It was his way of processing the affliction he felt when he lost her. At that point in time, the painter was just finding a small clearing in his trail. He was finding happiness in himself.
Over the next few years, the two still had a mutual admiration for each other and enjoyed speaking of the interests in their hearts, just less often. The atmosphere was found to be pleasant when the two spoke. You could sense the closeness they once shared.
The painter continued his trek down his wooded avenue, finding bigger and better clearings full of bright light perfect for him to set up his easel and start on a new work of art. With time, he felt less of a need to seek his adrift muses advice. The painter had truly found himself. The muse couldn't have been happier. That's exactly what she wanted for him. Self approval and confidence in his work. What an amazing journey for this muse to witness!
Towards the end of their story together, the muse sent a congratulatory post to the painter. She had heard word that he had found the perfect glade and better yet, this young, skilled & confident painter had found a youthful muse. One who saw truth in his art. The old muse was sad to think that her time helping the painter would now be over. She held on tight to the wonderful memories giving them one last goodbye & released them to the world. This new muse was perfect for the painter and to be honest, the old muse enjoyed being able to float around inspiring artists wherever she may go. Looks like they all lived happily ever after.
-Gayle
This painter had a muse who he revered. He would hastily show her all of his works and valued her opinions. Critiques and praises alike. However, things were not as they seemed. The muse, however enamored with her painter, started to wander. She wanted to find a new painter who's art spoke truth to her eyes. She was weak from dealing with the painters past for she wasn't the first nor strongest muse. She was the one to heal the painters wicked heart. To bridge the painter from the storm he was in and send him along a new path. A long, winding foot trail to find the muse in his own heart. So she left.
In the initial time the two were separated, the painter created a most beautiful tapestry for his lost muse. It shone with oranges and yellows, her favorite colors because they reminded her of sunshine and true happiness. The painter and muse wouldn't cross paths for another year. The painter presented her with this work of art in a medium other than his own. It was his way of processing the affliction he felt when he lost her. At that point in time, the painter was just finding a small clearing in his trail. He was finding happiness in himself.
Over the next few years, the two still had a mutual admiration for each other and enjoyed speaking of the interests in their hearts, just less often. The atmosphere was found to be pleasant when the two spoke. You could sense the closeness they once shared.
The painter continued his trek down his wooded avenue, finding bigger and better clearings full of bright light perfect for him to set up his easel and start on a new work of art. With time, he felt less of a need to seek his adrift muses advice. The painter had truly found himself. The muse couldn't have been happier. That's exactly what she wanted for him. Self approval and confidence in his work. What an amazing journey for this muse to witness!
Towards the end of their story together, the muse sent a congratulatory post to the painter. She had heard word that he had found the perfect glade and better yet, this young, skilled & confident painter had found a youthful muse. One who saw truth in his art. The old muse was sad to think that her time helping the painter would now be over. She held on tight to the wonderful memories giving them one last goodbye & released them to the world. This new muse was perfect for the painter and to be honest, the old muse enjoyed being able to float around inspiring artists wherever she may go. Looks like they all lived happily ever after.
-Gayle
Thursday, March 14, 2013
3.14 - realizations & thanks to the men of my past.
Ah, Pi Day. One of my favorite days of the year along with May 4th, Halloween and my birthday. I consider myself somewhat of a nerd or geek. I get big into certain science fiction shows & movies, and I've always considered science and math in general my go to areas of interest. However, Pi Day is kind of a bummer for me now. It was a special day in the last actual relationship I was in, not fling or whatever. Today would've been our anniversary. "J" is a sweet guy. He loves a terrible football team, he's into hockey and baseball, we met at a Super Bowl party. We connected right away. But in very different ways. I knew he liked me, I really cared about him, but more like a sports buddy. I tend to be friends with far more guys, either science nerds or sports guys. Due to this, I have a difficult time finding interest in the men if all we have in common is sports. Don't get me wrong! I love a cute guy who can talk & watch sports with me...but if that's all we talk about, I cant do it. I need someone that I can experience new things with, talk music, cook with, laze around in sweatpants all day and still feel beautiful. I certainly tried with "J" but I saw him as my sport and beer buddy and he was making plans 1+ years in the future within 2 months of us meeting. We didn't match up. We had completely different views. He wanted a family and and a farm. I want to live in the city and don't want kids. I had break up with him. I had to sit him down, look him in his big, bright eyes and tell him that I couldn't do it anymore. I broke his heart. He was shocked, hurt and tried to get me to reconsider.
Since we started dating on Pi Day, I have been thinking a lot about that and other relationships I've seemed to have mucked up over the years. Boy, do I have shit luck lol.
In this time I've taken today, I think I've figured part of the reason none of these things seem to last for me. Frequently, I care too much. I seem to like someone and put them & their needs first. One drunk call and I'm there to pick them up. They don't feel like driving across town, no problem. I might be on empty, but I'll make it. Not only that, but I've realized that I'm usually surprised that "that kind of guy" would be interested in me. I get embarrassed to look them in the eyes. I felt "lucky" that an attractive man would go for me. Boy is that some crazy shit or what?! I lacked confidence in all of those relationships. No wonder that none of those worked.
Those handful of guys need to be thanked. Thank you for retroactively showing me that I need to treat myself with more respect. Thanks for helping me realize I'm a beautiful, smart, caring young lady who deserves to be confident and happy. To the asshole who kicked my car, thanks for helping me spot anger issues in guys much easier. To the engineer, thanks for showing me how to be open and honest with my feelings. To the bass player, thanks for showing me how to be confident in my own skin. To the carpenter, thank you for helping me smile again. To "J" thanks for showing me what it meant to be loved.
-Gayle
Since we started dating on Pi Day, I have been thinking a lot about that and other relationships I've seemed to have mucked up over the years. Boy, do I have shit luck lol.
In this time I've taken today, I think I've figured part of the reason none of these things seem to last for me. Frequently, I care too much. I seem to like someone and put them & their needs first. One drunk call and I'm there to pick them up. They don't feel like driving across town, no problem. I might be on empty, but I'll make it. Not only that, but I've realized that I'm usually surprised that "that kind of guy" would be interested in me. I get embarrassed to look them in the eyes. I felt "lucky" that an attractive man would go for me. Boy is that some crazy shit or what?! I lacked confidence in all of those relationships. No wonder that none of those worked.
Those handful of guys need to be thanked. Thank you for retroactively showing me that I need to treat myself with more respect. Thanks for helping me realize I'm a beautiful, smart, caring young lady who deserves to be confident and happy. To the asshole who kicked my car, thanks for helping me spot anger issues in guys much easier. To the engineer, thanks for showing me how to be open and honest with my feelings. To the bass player, thanks for showing me how to be confident in my own skin. To the carpenter, thank you for helping me smile again. To "J" thanks for showing me what it meant to be loved.
-Gayle
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Mrs. 207
I have had it up to HERE with my neighbors. They are ridiculous. In the past, they have parked in my parking spot, which I honestly don't care about. A parking spot is a parking spot, but let me explain a story of why that has been known to upset me. Take my upstairs neighbors in 207..their spot is right next to mine. 207 contains a married couple and two young children. The husband LOVES to park in my spot, so naturally, I park in his open spot. Well After receiving several notes in very poor English on my windshield, about 6 weeks ago the wife buzzed my apartment for ten minutes and then came and rang my doorbell and knocked on my door for another ten. Did I mention that was at 3:45AM?! I was hoping she would give up and leave, when it became apparent that she wouldn't, I answered my door. She yelled at me that she had to park in a visitor parking spot(closer to the door than her spot) because I was in hers and insisted that I move my car to the street at that moment. I asked her to stop shouting and told her if she went upstairs and woke her husband and got him to move his pile of shit out of my spot, I'd gladly move if that meant she would get off my ass. She refused and said that he deserved my parking space, to which I told her she could fuck off and closed my door. She promptly began banging on my door and shouting. I had no choice but to open it back up and face her. I threatened calling the cops on her for harassment and told her if it came to that, I'd ask them to inquire about the status of her visa. That shut her up. It's not everyday I can say I got into a verbal scuffle with a pregnant lady in my hallway at 4 in the morning & won.
Well, I thought I heard the last of her until a couple days ago. See, I'm a night owl by heart. So naturally, I cook around 11PM and take my nightly shower around 3 or 4 AM. Well, Mrs. 207 recently had her child and had no issue whatsoever to parade down to my apartment a few nights ago at 5AM to complain that my shower had woken up her infant. She informed me that she would tell management about my late night habits if it continued..as if management has ANY say in when people are awake/sleeping/working etc. I laughed at her and shut my door in her face as I have become so accustomed to over my time in this apartment. However dumb that request/demand may be, I thought about it and decided I could try altering my schedule. I imagine it can't be easy having a brand new baby in the house.
Well, let me tell you something! I just took a shower at 11:30AM, thinking I was being considerate, right? Not the case. Not only was all the hot water in the complex gone, but Mrs. 207 just strutted her fat little ass over here to complain. AGAIN!! Fucking bitch. Recap, I exited the polar waters of Antarctica only to have an Illegal-Alien-Parking-Space-Nazi-Overly-Black-Cherry-Scented-New-Mother-Middle-Aged-Non-English-Speaking-Door-Banging-Asshole-Of-A-Neighbor complaining about me taking a shower in the middle of the fucking day because it "woke up her baby." No! You having your TV on loud enough that I could hear it from the downstairs hallway is what woke up your baby. Get your shit together!
I only have 20 days left in this apartment before my lease is up and I plan on dedicating ALL of them to Mrs. 207. What's the worst that can happen? Get a two week eviction notice?? Ha! I will park in her spot everyday for the next 3 weeks. I will take showers between 2 and 5 AM every day. I will ring her doorbell whenever the fuck I want to. I will stop tip-toeing around to suit her needs. She is an inconsiderate asshole and none of our other neighbors have ever had a problem with me. Just her. Hell my next door neighbor brought me dinner on Christmas, my neighbor directly above me helped me move in, 106 talks to me for 20 plus minutes at a time outside with her dog, 104 tried to set me up with her nephew, 203 helped me fix my car. My neighbors fucking love me. 207 can suck it.
And that has been a rant brought to you by Gayle :)
Until next time, stay awesome.
Well, I thought I heard the last of her until a couple days ago. See, I'm a night owl by heart. So naturally, I cook around 11PM and take my nightly shower around 3 or 4 AM. Well, Mrs. 207 recently had her child and had no issue whatsoever to parade down to my apartment a few nights ago at 5AM to complain that my shower had woken up her infant. She informed me that she would tell management about my late night habits if it continued..as if management has ANY say in when people are awake/sleeping/working etc. I laughed at her and shut my door in her face as I have become so accustomed to over my time in this apartment. However dumb that request/demand may be, I thought about it and decided I could try altering my schedule. I imagine it can't be easy having a brand new baby in the house.
Well, let me tell you something! I just took a shower at 11:30AM, thinking I was being considerate, right? Not the case. Not only was all the hot water in the complex gone, but Mrs. 207 just strutted her fat little ass over here to complain. AGAIN!! Fucking bitch. Recap, I exited the polar waters of Antarctica only to have an Illegal-Alien-Parking-Space-Nazi-Overly-Black-Cherry-Scented-New-Mother-Middle-Aged-Non-English-Speaking-Door-Banging-Asshole-Of-A-Neighbor complaining about me taking a shower in the middle of the fucking day because it "woke up her baby." No! You having your TV on loud enough that I could hear it from the downstairs hallway is what woke up your baby. Get your shit together!
I only have 20 days left in this apartment before my lease is up and I plan on dedicating ALL of them to Mrs. 207. What's the worst that can happen? Get a two week eviction notice?? Ha! I will park in her spot everyday for the next 3 weeks. I will take showers between 2 and 5 AM every day. I will ring her doorbell whenever the fuck I want to. I will stop tip-toeing around to suit her needs. She is an inconsiderate asshole and none of our other neighbors have ever had a problem with me. Just her. Hell my next door neighbor brought me dinner on Christmas, my neighbor directly above me helped me move in, 106 talks to me for 20 plus minutes at a time outside with her dog, 104 tried to set me up with her nephew, 203 helped me fix my car. My neighbors fucking love me. 207 can suck it.
And that has been a rant brought to you by Gayle :)
Until next time, stay awesome.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Chipper moods make for awesome days
I have to say that today has been a fantastic day so far! I woke up at the ass crack of dawn, around 630, which for me is a miracle. I've stayed quite busy as well. Last night at around 1am, my buddy got into town from the Detroit area, so I was happy to let him crash on my couch. It was nice catching up for a little bit this morning but we had to cut it short so I could make it to a doctor appointment. Traffic there was wonderful, I got a close parking spot, only had to wait two or three minutes to get called back and my doc was in right as my nurse left! Out of the twenty minutes I was there, my doc was in listening and speaking with me for 15 of them. Plus, because I'm broke as shit, my doc gave me a 4 month supply of most of my meds. Geez, he fucking rocks!! Not to mention, he has a magnificent curly petite handlebar mustache. After being treated so well by this doctor and his staff every time I've been in...I can't imagine going anywhere else.
After my appointment my day continued to be swell. I ran to the bank and wasn't horrified when I saw my balance and as always, I shocked the teller when she saw how meticulous I kept my checkbook register. That always gives me a good chuckle. Since the weather is so damn beautiful out(A nice sunny 34 degrees), I decided to take the long way to the pharmacy. As I was driving along, I saw my tattoo artist driving and waved like a mad man at him. That man is such an amazing guy and I love the crap out of him and his wife. Their son was my first and main tattoo artist before he passed unexpectedly last spring. I miss Zak so very much. I hold that whole family so close to my heart. We have all been through a lot together. They are my family. I love them so.
At this point, as if I wasn't hyper enough, I decided to allow myself to be side tracked and stop at a Starbucks. I had a gift card burning a hole in my wallet and was ready to use it. Everybody in line for their coffee was the stereotypical cranky 'I need my coffee NOW, or else.' Then here I was hyper and friendly, they probably thought I was getting my third double shot of the day or something. I'm pretty sure one of the gals wanted to rip off my head, but I wasn't about to let that determine my mood. Knowing that I had to swing by the Walgreens, I picked up a treat for my pharmacist from Starbucks as well. (Can you tell that I have to go in all the freaking time?!)
When I got to Walgreens though is when I hit a little wall. Pun not intended, but I'm keeping it anyways. See, there is a tech there that I can't stand when she has to help me. I'm sure she's a nice girl, but she has zero customer service skills. I can never get a "Hello, how are you." or anything of the like out of her. On top of that, she has the skill set of someone on their first day and she's been their for years. I expect the pharmacists and pharmacy techs to be knowledgeable in what they do. That isn't much to ask in my opinion. The thing I needed to pick up was a small pre-packaged jar of burn cream because I was a dumbass and accidentally touched a heat lamp when I picked up a turtle a couple days ago. ALL that was needed to be done was grab it off the shelf and put a sticker with my name on it. Simple right? Nope. She asked if I would be waiting, I replied yes and was then told that it would be 15 minutes. It ended up being 25+ minutes!! Mind you, I'd understand if they were busy. But while I waited, I was legitimately the ONLY customer in the entire damn store and there were no cars in the Rx drive through. Further more, there were not one, but three people working in the pharmacy standing in a circle talking about the exciting vacation that one of them has planned to Florida next week. Are you kidding me?! I'm a patient and understanding person, but that is just ridiculous.
Anyway, enough of that. My day is still going well. I made a Philly cheesesteak for lunch and now I think I'm going to relax and watch The IT Crowd. I have to admit, I've adored Richard Ayoade and Chris O'Dowd for 6 or 7 years now. Do yourself a favor and watch this, or at least minutes 56-58. http://youtu.be/nTMCy6wIvlk?t=55m59s It's from a show called Big Fat Quiz of the Noughties(00's) It is wonderful.
Anyway, I hope you have an awesome day whenever you read this!
-Gayle
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)