First they get you high, then they say whats up to a higher power. what?

I love when I catch contradictions  What can I say? I get a kick out of it. The other day I received an email from Bandsintown letting me know about some upcoming events. In this email, there were two events over the summer with the band The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. You know, the band everyone knew for the song "Face Down" and pretty much nothing else since. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed their music and went to see them live in 2009 with Hollywood Undead. I enjoyed myself at the show and probably partied a little too hard. Let me tell you about what I feel is a massive contradiction.
At that 2009 outdoor show during RJA's set, the chubby guitarist was smoking a blunt worthy of Snoop Dogg. Bro was toking up and passing it around some of the people in the front row. I mean, that's not completely unheard of. I've seen this happen countless times at shows. People don't give a fuck. After the show, the guys were happy to allow anyone who was down to party to join them as long as they were a hot chick.  What I think is hilarious is what my email said the other day. Two RJA shows in my area in the next few months. The first was a couple nights ago at a local night club. Okay, cool. Nothing unusual there. What caught my attention was the second local date. They will be playing at Lifelight in September. For those of you who might not catch the irony right away, let me catch you up to speed. Lifelight is an annual Christian music festival. I repeat. A Christian music festival. Doesn't quite add up. I understand that people and bands change and evolve, but I have a difficult time seeing a band who behaved so radically in one way, playing a show at an event where the exact opposite is preached. I guess we'll just have to ride it out and see what happens.

Frustration

I've been feeling very conflicted lately. My dad is easily my favorite person in the world. I'm a Daddy's Girl to the T. I've never been able to keep things from him, even if I tried to keep something like a birthday present from him. That changed  few years ago. There is something that I've been wanting to talk with him about that no matter how hard I try....I can't. I've thought about just writing everything I'd like to say and have him read it but I can't even get my thoughts written down fluidly. I must have tried a couple hundred times. It makes me so mad that one thing can shake up everything so much. How do I over come this? I want to be able to talk about it and write clearly about it. I want to desperately. I need to get this off my chest and stop lying to my dad. Even though I'm not lying to him about anything, I'm not telling him about anything. That's lying by omission in my book. I don't know. I'm super frustrated. Grrrrrr.

RANT: Light Sleeper Roommate.

I like my roommate. We can talk about random things and goof around...but I have a huge pet peeve with her. She is the lightest sleeper in the goddamn world!! I can be two floors below her talking on the phone or like tonight, bringing in my fucking groceries 25 minutes after I got off work. I either get passive aggressive texts or her being aggressive in person telling/asking me to "keep it down", "stop doing what I'm doing" or my favorite "turn it down a notch." Is she for real?! I understand that she is sleeping so I actively walk around this old creaky house as lightly as possible & try to keep my tasks as quiet as possible. For example, tonight, I put my groceries away super quickly & left half of the stuff in the bags to deal with tomorrow. I limit all tv and Internet use to the living room two levels down. I go out of my way to please her which is evidently impossible. Now, on the flip side, she has woken me up no less than 8 times in the past 7 days. She is aware of my sleep schedule. Guess what I do when she wakes me up?! Absolutely nothing!! Wait, sorry, that's a lie... I roll the fuck over and go back to sleep!!! I haven't once mentioned it to her or my other two roommates because its not a big fucking deal. She needs to grow up and realize that the world doesn't revolve around her every need & that she needs to learn how to pick her battles. THAT or she needs to buy a bottle of fucking sleeping pills.

Good Night & Good Luck

I'm afraid to go back to sleep. I'm intimidated in a way nearly indescribable. I just was startled awake by a dream so realistic, I was sure it was corporeal. You know those dreams, the ones that terrorize your otherwise tranquil night, waking you into a scary state of uncertainty as to what is real or imagined. Visions capable of causing you to wake up in a cold sweat, attempting to catch your breath. I sit here under the dull light of my lamp while staring at my keyboard. I feel the need to both write down the anguish of this disturbing nightmare & to also cast it into a deep chasm of my mind to forget its creation ever transpired.

How is it our subconsciousness can create fantasy worlds capable of haunting us? Is it to keep our bodies & minds conditioned to handle trauma and ill-fortune? Is it a random event or do the dream dictionaries have a degree of merit? Why is it dreams can be so vivid one day, then you can go extended periods of time without remembering a single one? My dreams have gotten increasingly stronger and more present in the last few years after several traumatic events have taken place in my life. Is it safe to assume there is a link there? I would imagine so considering those events have been the content of many of my night tremors.

I am internally confused, intrigued and unsettled by the idea of tiny movies playing out in my mind every single night without my control. It's an odd and beautiful thing.

Goodnight,
Gayle